This is a blog about my house---but it's really about me, and about how in renovating my house I restored my spirit.
I had no business buying a fixer-upper in the fall of 2006, none at all. Back then I was sad and tired and overwhelmed with life. We had just moved from central New Jersey to a Midwestern suburb: me, my Husband and our three children. We had relocated because of Husband's job, but also because the move brought us closer to our extended families.
It also brought me closer to my ghosts.
Yes, ghosts. Not spirits of the dead, although that is certainly a definition of the word ghost. What I mean by ghosts is the unresolved issues that had been haunting me most of my life: the early deaths of my parents, the loss of my childhood home. Insecurity, pessimism, anxiety: Ghosts.
It was easy to avoid ghosts when we lived in New Jersey. I was busy having babies and raising them and being part of a community and there was not much time to dwell on the events of the past. And no need. I had a wonderful life, enriched by many friends, healthy children and my very own George Baily: Husband.
And then we moved, which everyone knows is not the end of the world. But I took it hard.
Husband and I did not plan on buying a fixer-upper. We planned on buying a really nice house. But this was before the collosal collapse of the housing market, back in 2006, and everything we liked was too expensive, and everything we could afford was really awful. In T.F.U.H., Husband saw a way to get what we wanted while having some control over the costs. I, who was lonely, thought it would be good to have a project. But making a quilt is a project. Brewing beer in the basement--that's a project. Restoring an entire house is not a project, it's a full-time job.
And yet it healed me, this house. During the renovation, memories tumbled out of my subconscious as randomly as my mother's old chemo wig once fell from a shelf years after she had died. Instead of stuffing them deeper into a cabinet, as I did with the wig, I let the flashbacks out. I studied them. I cried. I wrote about them in the blog. I let them go.
My house is lovely now, so me. It is old and modern. Small and sunny. It endured a treacherous flood, months of frigid weather, demolished walls and extreme excavation. It is stronger for the effort.
So am I.
Hi,
I'd like to know what paint color you used for your living room, and who makes the paint?
~michelle
Posted by: Michelle | September 28, 2008 at 12:24 AM
Michelle,
Hi and thanks for reading TFUH! I used benjamin moore HC 35--Powel Buff and the trim is Dove White.
It's very lovely!
Adrienne
Posted by: adrienne | September 28, 2008 at 06:29 AM
Touching...never imagined restoring house would be cathartic. Taking the old and making it new does infer hope!
Posted by: donna | October 03, 2008 at 07:48 PM
Hi,
We saw the colors of your dining room and love the combination. Can you tell me the two colors you used? Excellent job...
Thanks
Posted by: Steve | January 27, 2009 at 06:27 PM
Wow! What a fantastic job you've done on your house! I too have a 1920's dutch colonial that looks very similar. I am considering a renovation/addition and don't know where to start. I would love to see your layout. Where did you fit a butler's pantry and a mud room?! Keep posting those pictures! Just the perfect inspiration!
Thanks!
Lisa
Posted by: Lisa | February 25, 2009 at 04:38 PM
Just stumbled onto your blog...love it! Your house is a thing of beauty and I love to read what you have written about your process of finding that beauty.
Posted by: Mads | March 15, 2009 at 04:52 PM
What color paint did you use with the Costa Esmeralda?
Posted by: Cheryl | April 04, 2009 at 02:31 AM
Hi can you tell me what colors you used in your dining room? I am paiting mine and love how yours turned out!
Posted by: Jen | April 19, 2009 at 08:10 AM
Hello,
My name is Natalie. I've been looking at your blog, admiring the work you've done with the house and wondering how/where you found time to do the blog! We too just bought a 1923 Dutch colonial charmer and are now agonizing about how to proceed with renovations... Would love to hear your ideas and/or see your layout but if you were doing that for everyone here, that's a full time job :). Would be great to share some thoughts, though.
Good luck!
Posted by: Natalie | June 24, 2010 at 04:56 AM
I know it's a long shot...do you remember what color yellow you had on your previous house?
Posted by: Rob Davsi | July 25, 2010 at 05:02 PM